Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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