he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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