remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
