is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
