$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
