After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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