I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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