There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
