So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
My vagina is very pro this idea
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
