My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
