NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
