I am in a vortex of obligation.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
