I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
