There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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