3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
