The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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