i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
What a dumb baby whore.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
