Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
