made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
