i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
