allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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