She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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