You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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