Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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