Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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