ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
