So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
