A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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