How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
