I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
