Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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