so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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