Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
