Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Did I show you my penis last night?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
