I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
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