pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Cover your peen. We're going out.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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