1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
