What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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