just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
My feet surprised me
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
