If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
