I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
