ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
