Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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