Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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