i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
