Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
