There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
