If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
