uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
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