the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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