Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
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I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
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I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
did i just pee glitter
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
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