I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
