I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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