I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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