He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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