Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
