I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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