I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
