im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I came so hard my ears popped.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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