Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
