After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
