Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
