just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
