Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
