She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
bring money and cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Let's get the cat blown out
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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