I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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