i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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